She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
