My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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