so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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