At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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