I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
