Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
