I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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