lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
