i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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