k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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