so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
