And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
