I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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