did you get engaged???
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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