what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
