i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
