Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
