The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
