Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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