I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
