Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
