She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
