I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
