I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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