he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
so much tequila, so little girl.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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