Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
