So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
