11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
