someone threw a dead crab at me
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
