im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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