i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
