i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just forgot I was standing up.
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