He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
