The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
