pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
