i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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