are you still at the devil's house?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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