he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
