I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
