she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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