I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Randomize
