after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
