New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
