i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Your penis caused this!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
