so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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