I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
