what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
