you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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