So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
