***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
