And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
my poor anus
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
