Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
