omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
