he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
