i barfeds in our rink
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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