you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
love makes seman taste better
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
