Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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