I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
