I'll bet she douches with gravy.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
As shirtless as possible
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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